A LIFE TIME THOUGHT

Always try your best to get whatever you love ……………………
otherwise………………you will be forced to lovewhatever you get

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GRANDMA IN THE COURTROOM

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”

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WHAT A WOMAN WANTS MORE THAN ANYTHING :

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night, when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.

He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

The man noticed that he was the object of the woman’s rapt attention, and with a sly, sexy smile, approached her. Blushing, she prepared to apologize for staring, but he leaned close and whispered in her ear.

“I’ll do anything,” he whispered in a deep, soft voice. “Anything, absolutely anything you want, anything you have ever fantasized for only fifty dollars. There’s just one condition…”

Trembling with anticipation, the woman asked him the condition. The man said, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”

The woman gazed into his hypnotic eyes, considering the proposition, then reached into her handbag and took out fifty dollars. She scribbled her address on a napkin, folded it around the cash, and pressed it into his waiting hand. She leaned over and whispered into his ear…

“Clean… my… house.”

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SALTY COFFEE !

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, and she thought to herself, “Please, let me go home…”

Suddenly he asked the waiter, “Would you please give me some salt? I’d like to put it in my coffee.” Everybody stared at him, so strange! His  face turned red but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously, “Why you have this hobby?” He replied, “When I was a little boy, I lived near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there.” While saying that tears filled his eyes. She ! was deeply touched. That’s his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home… Then she also started to  speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.

That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful.

He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, and then they were living the happy life… And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that’s the way he liked it. After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said, “My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life’s lie. This was the only lie I said to you—the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar,  but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything… Now I’m dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth, I don’t like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste… But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do fo! r you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know
you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again.”

Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her, “What’s the taste of salty coffee?” She replied, “It’s sweet.”

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IMPORTANT HOUSE HOLD TIPS

Subject: Household Tips – Ladies vs Real Women

1) Leftover Wine:

Ladies – Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Women – Leftover wine?? Hello!!

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2) Cure for Headaches:

Ladies – Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women – Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink.

You might still have the headache, but who the hell cares!

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3) Dripping Ice cream cones:

Ladies – Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women – Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake. You are probably lying on your ass on the couch, with your feet up anyway.

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4) Sprouting potatoes:

Ladies – To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Real Women – Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don’t have to worry about the potatoes

growing arms and legs.

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5) Baking cakes:

Ladies – When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white powdery mess on the bottom of the cake.

Real Women – Go to the bakery – they’ll even decorate the son of a b**** for you.

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6) Opening jars:

Ladies – If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Real Women – Go ask the very HOT guy who lives next door to do it.

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And finally the most important tip….

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail……. but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn… that was fun!!”

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MATRIMONIAL ADVERTISEMENTS

These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi.com. These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail…

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– Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart… when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..

Thanks

yours Regards Sowmya ~*~

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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(Wut Homework?)

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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on …….. hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

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i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot (I don’t know why but this is one of my favorites)

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i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell…)

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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE

1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.

2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION

3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY

TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing{laughing})

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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)

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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik h ai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of “ok”. The person is suffering from “Ok-syndrome”)

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iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married ‘completely’?)

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my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(height of desperation! )

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iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar. he was marred.

(No comments)

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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily . i divorced my first husband. hischaractor is not good’. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted …

(but credit cards not accepted..???)

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Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.

(Zebra..???)

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