Abraham lincoln Vs John F. Kennedy

No history teacher told us the following( I suppose) …

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost a child while living in the WhiteHouse.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born 1839
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born 1939

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat !

Lincoln was shot at the theater named “Ford.”
Kennedy was shot in a car called “Lincoln” made by “Ford.”

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here’s the “kicker”:

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

and Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater.

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WHAT IS GLOBALISATION ?

Diana ‘s death  :

An Enlish princess with an Egyption boy friend in a German car driven by a Dutch driver crashes in a tunnel while being chased by Italian paparazi on Japanese bikes , treated by portugese doctors with Brazilian medicine . This is written by an Indian and sent to an American on his Chinese phone smuggled by a Pakistani via Nepal. This is called globalisation.

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GRANDMA IN THE COURTROOM

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?” She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”

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WHAT A WOMAN WANTS MORE THAN ANYTHING :

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night, when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.

He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

The man noticed that he was the object of the woman’s rapt attention, and with a sly, sexy smile, approached her. Blushing, she prepared to apologize for staring, but he leaned close and whispered in her ear.

“I’ll do anything,” he whispered in a deep, soft voice. “Anything, absolutely anything you want, anything you have ever fantasized for only fifty dollars. There’s just one condition…”

Trembling with anticipation, the woman asked him the condition. The man said, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”

The woman gazed into his hypnotic eyes, considering the proposition, then reached into her handbag and took out fifty dollars. She scribbled her address on a napkin, folded it around the cash, and pressed it into his waiting hand. She leaned over and whispered into his ear…

“Clean… my… house.”

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SALTY COFFEE !

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, and she thought to herself, “Please, let me go home…”

Suddenly he asked the waiter, “Would you please give me some salt? I’d like to put it in my coffee.” Everybody stared at him, so strange! His  face turned red but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously, “Why you have this hobby?” He replied, “When I was a little boy, I lived near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there.” While saying that tears filled his eyes. She ! was deeply touched. That’s his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home… Then she also started to  speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.

That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful.

He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, and then they were living the happy life… And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that’s the way he liked it. After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said, “My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life’s lie. This was the only lie I said to you—the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar,  but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything… Now I’m dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth, I don’t like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste… But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do fo! r you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know
you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again.”

Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her, “What’s the taste of salty coffee?” She replied, “It’s sweet.”

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IMPORTANT HOUSE HOLD TIPS

Subject: Household Tips – Ladies vs Real Women

1) Leftover Wine:

Ladies – Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Women – Leftover wine?? Hello!!

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2) Cure for Headaches:

Ladies – Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women – Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink.

You might still have the headache, but who the hell cares!

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3) Dripping Ice cream cones:

Ladies – Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women – Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake. You are probably lying on your ass on the couch, with your feet up anyway.

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4) Sprouting potatoes:

Ladies – To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Real Women – Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don’t have to worry about the potatoes

growing arms and legs.

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5) Baking cakes:

Ladies – When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white powdery mess on the bottom of the cake.

Real Women – Go to the bakery – they’ll even decorate the son of a b**** for you.

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6) Opening jars:

Ladies – If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Real Women – Go ask the very HOT guy who lives next door to do it.

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And finally the most important tip….

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail……. but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn… that was fun!!”

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MATRIMONIAL ADVERTISEMENTS

These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi.com. These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail…

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– Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart… when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..

Thanks

yours Regards Sowmya ~*~

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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(Wut Homework?)

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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on …….. hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

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i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot (I don’t know why but this is one of my favorites)

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i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell…)

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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE

1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.

2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION

3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY

TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing{laughing})

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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)

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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik h ai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of “ok”. The person is suffering from “Ok-syndrome”)

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iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married ‘completely’?)

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my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(height of desperation! )

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iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar. he was marred.

(No comments)

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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily . i divorced my first husband. hischaractor is not good’. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted …

(but credit cards not accepted..???)

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Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.

(Zebra..???)

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A Guy’s Answering Machine

Hi,

This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

Source:- To each Its Own

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Live telecast of “ICC Cricket World Cup 2007”

Ok, seeing the amount of people requesting to know who is showing the matches in various countries, here is the breakdown.

Canada

ATN is showing it on their new channel ATN CRICKET PLUS. You can get the complete Cricket World Cup 2007 package (including all Group Stage Matches, Super Eight Series, Semi Finals and Final match) on ATN Cricket Plus channel for $179.99 only. This channel is available through Bell ExpressVu or Rogers Digital Cable.

US

For us Dishnetwork as well as Direct TV are showing it. Dishnetwork is offering the complete coverage of world cup for $199.95 which includes restricted broadband access as well.

DirecTV is also offering the same package i.e. all the games for $199.99.

India

In India, the private sports channel SetMax, in collaboration with Nimbus Communications, has signed an agreement with public broadcaster Prasar Bharti (Doordarshan) to provide live feed of the cricket World Cup matches. So this means both SetMax and Doordarshan are going to show the matches in India.

Online/Broadband

You can view all the matches online anywhere in world by subscribing to WillowTv’s package again for $199.99.

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LIFE ……………

The Echo of Life

A man and his son were walking in the forest. Suddenly the boy trips and feeling a sharp pain he screams, “Ahhhh!”

Surprised, he hears a voice coming from the mountain, “Ahhhh!” Filled with curiosity, he screams: “Who are you?”, but the only answer he receives is: “Who are you?” This makes him angry, so he screams: “You are a coward!”, and the voice answers: “You are a coward!”

He looks at his father, asking, “Dad, what is going on?” “Son,” the man replies, “Pay attention!” Then he screams, “I admire you!” The voice answers: “I admire you!” The father shouts, “You are wonderful!”, and the voice answers: “You are wonderful!” Then the father explains, “People call this’ECHO’, but truly it is ‘LIFE’!

Life always gives you back what you give out. Life is a mirror of your actions.

If you want more love, give more love!

If you want more kindness, give more kindness!

If you want understanding and respect, give understanding and respect!

If you want people to be patient and respectful to you, give patience and respect!

This rule of nature applies to every aspect of our lives.”

Life always gives you back what you give out.

Your life is not a coincidence, but a mirror of your own doings.

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